An Apple a Day Keeps Organization XIII Away
by Valentine Vampire
Summary: Stupid title, I know.  But anyway, it's about Xemnas stupid plan to get the entire Organization to eat nothing but health food.  Axel, Roxas, and Demyx team up to scheme up a way to get their unhealthy food back, and keep their sanity!
1. Day One

This is an idea I got when I was eating chocolate cookies one day. o.0 I thought "What if the Organization's weakness was chocolate?" which led into this story, which has little to do with that.

Disclaimer: I'm not Japanese, thus I do not have a chance of owning KH2, Organization XIII, or the World That Never Was. Nope, I don't even own a Dusk.

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It was another exceptionally passable day in The World That Never Was. It was already 10:00 a.m. and some members of organization XIII were still just waking up. These lazy Nobodies happened to be Roxas, Axel, and Demyx. And these three had no idea what horrors awaited them when they actually _did _wake up.

Roxas awoke stumbled out of bed on habit. Every morning he automatically woke up at 10:00. Unless, of course, somebody woke him up earlier.

Axel woke up due to falling right out of it. After remembering where he was, he finally found his way out of his bedroom.

Demyx awoke to his alarm clock, which had a pre-recorded tone of Demyx himself playing his guitar. That sound was enough to wake the dead, so he never got out of bed sleepy.

The three arrived at the breakfast table in their pajamas, where all other ten members were impatiently waiting for them. Xemnas was about to make an announcement, and he hated to be kept waiting.

"While you three were taking your time, the rest of us were waiting on an announcement that will affect your futures," Xemnas frowned.

After the three took their seats, Xemnas began.

"From now on nobody in this Organization will be dining on anything unhealthy," he announced. "This includes potato chips of any kind," a gasp from Xigbar, "ice cream," a shriek from Demyx, "and chocolate." At the mentioning of the last item the were twelve gasps in perfect unison, all completely distressed to the point of suicide.

"From now on your diets will be consisting of sugar and fat-free foods, all organic and healthy," Xemnas went on. He snapped his fingers and several Dusks appeared, each carrying various food items, which they placed on the table. Immediately they disappeared.

Everyone stared at the food before them. Xemnas grabbed a cold, raw green bean and left the room.

Slowly, one by one, people began to take a few bites. Moans, groans, and even a few slight cries were heard.

Axel managed to find a slice of toast. Unfortunately the table was butter-less, jam-less, and jelly-less. So instead of digging in, Axel lit the toast on fire and soon had a lovely piece of black charcoal.

After everyone had finished a meal that had not filled them at all, the Organization went on with their daily routines. But Axel grabbed Roxas in a hallway and pulled him aside.

"You're not gunna go with this, are you?" he asked, looking incredibly distressed.

Roxas stared at his best friend. He was as thin as a pole, his hair was sticking in every direction possible (talk about bed head…), he was still in the white tank and flame boxers he slept in, and he had the craziest distressed look on his face you've ever seen.

"You got a better idea?" Roxas asked.

Axel thought for a minute. "Yeah. I got one," he finally said. "What's the harm in stashing food in a place Xemnas never goes?"

"Right," Roxas said, "The next time I feel like getting zapped to death by Xemnas I'll let you know."

"But he won't ever find out!" Axel stopped Roxas from walking away.

"Dude," Roxas said, "Xemnas has Dusks crawling all over the place. They look everywhere; even your dresser drawers."

Axel blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah," Roxas confirmed.

There was silence for a good long while, until it was finally broken by Axel. "It's worth a shot."

"Fine," Roxas said, "But count me out. Go scout for food on your own, man." And with that Roxas managed to leave.

Axel finally got his hair under control and got into his black cloak. It was getting kind of annoying wearing that thing every day, but he had no choice.

The first destination of his was wherever Demyx was. If there was anyone dumb enough to help Axel it was Demyx.

After Axel had cleared the thought from his mind that he had just dissed himself, he finally found Demyx. All he had to do was follow the sound of what sounded like two cats killing each other but was really Demyx playing his guitar.

"Hey Demyx!" Axel shouted over the noise. "Hungry?!"

The noise instantly stopped and was replaced by the sound of growling stomachs.

"Why do _you_ care?" Demyx frowned, but Axel wasn't deceived. He knew Demyx would kill himself for food, which wouldn't be very effective, but heck! He was Demyx!

"Cause I got a plan to solve that problem," Axel said.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Demyx demanded.

"Come with me and you'll find out," Axel said, started to walk out.

Demyx hopped up and followed Axel, who led him to the kitchen.

"This isn't gunna work," Demyx's eyes were wide with fear as he crouched behind Axel in the kitchen. There were two Dusks inside and they were doing their best of hiding from the creepy spies of Xemnas.

"Sure it will," Axel whispered. "Xemnas' gotta keep that unhealthily delicious food somewhere, right?"

Demyx nodded, nervousness written all over his face still.

"So we find it and take it to wherever Xemnas' little agents don't go," Axel replied.

"Which is where?" Demyx asked.

"Don't question a master, Demyx," Axel said, and then paused for a moment. "I'm still workin' on it."

Demyx rolled his eyes.

Axel crept over to a storage pantry and slowly opened the door. There was a sudden squeak that made Demyx jump, Axel wince, and a Dusk snap its head in the direction of the squeak. Axel acted on instinct and dropped to the floor; flat on his face. He held his breath and soon, believe it or not, the Dusks left. Axel jumped up out of his uncomfortable position, but Demyx was too petrified to move. He had had strange encounters with Dusks before.

"Come on!" Axel hissed at Demyx, flinging open the pantry doors to reveal…

"What the…!?" Axel nearly shouted.

"What?! What do you see?!" Demyx squeaked.

"Nothing of value, if that's what we're talkin' about," Axel replied, rummaging through the items on the shelves.

"In other words?" Demyx pried.

"All we've got is health junk," Axel said, and shut the pantry doors. In a second he was at the garbage hole. It was a hole to dump garbage in. There was a metal stopper four feet down which opened up on Saturdays to dispose of the garbage. Unfortunately, today's garbage wasn't garbage, exactly. At least not to Axel.

"Well, there's our last hope," axel peered down the hole.

"Is the food down there?!" Demyx cried.

"Yep," Axel grinned. "And without any harm done to it, either. And lucky for us it only empties on Saturdays."

"But it _is _Saturday," Demyx said.

Axel blinked. "Yeah, well… it doesn't empty 'til 12:00. We can still get down there."

Demyx looked at the kitchen clock as Axel swung a leg over the edge of the garbage hole. The clock began to chime with the Organization XIII theme music.

Axel stopped halfway over and watched his last hope at real meal pass into a pit of rotating blades ready to chop anything to smithereens.

"Nooooooooo!!!!!!" Axel cried, reaching a hand out in the direction of the disappearing delicacies.

"A little dramatic, don'tcha think?" Demyx asked.

Axel glared dagger at him. A fire lit in his right hand. And Demyx began backing away. Before Axel could even get his leg over the edge of the hole Demyx was long gone, screaming his lungs out as he ran through the halls.

"How did it go?" Roxas smirked nearly an hour later.

Axel said nothing. He was in deep thought. _Very _deep thought. And he knew if he didn't achieve his goal soon he would go so insane that he wouldn't even be able to think.

"Axel?" Roxas waved his hand in front of Axel's blank face. "You in this world?"

Suddenly Axel began to speak so fast that Roxas could only understand every third word or so.

"Xemnas must gets food from _somewhere_, so there must be a way for us to get some too. Once we find it we can stash it in a deep, dark hole somewhere and issue it out in secret on a daily basis." Axel took a deep breath, then began again. "If Xemnas finds out we can always start a rebellion and come against the healthy eating habit problem, right?"

Roxas stared blankly at Axel as he finished. Axel was grinning. But Roxas hadn't been able to piece together much of it.

"Xemnas gets food from a way some stash in a deep hole and issues secret rebellions?!" Roxas shouted, not believing his friend had gone _this _insane.

Axel slapped Roxas. Hard, but not _that _hard. After all, they were friends.

"Don't talk so fast!" he said. "You'll make people think you're crazy."

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Was it okay? Please review and help Organization XIII gain world domination! lol!


	2. Day Two

So here's part two! Yay! Hope ya like it! Please review!

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The next day Axel put his plan into action. He had bribed Zexion into morphing himself into a Dusk and follow Xemnas around. In exchange Axel had given up his favorite manga book, but he figured it was either the book or his sanity.

Zexion, in the form of a Dusk, followed Xemnas around for quite some time. Just when he was getting fed up and nearly quit his job, Xemnas ordered hi to go to a certain place with a certain stash of food.

Zexion followed Xemnas' directions, which led him to a cellar he had never seen before.

After returning to Xemnas Zexion reported to Axel, somewhat happy and somewhat burning with rage for having to disguise himself as a Dusk.

After telling Axel where the cellar was, Zemnas retreated to his room to read his new manga.

"Roxas!" Axel ran down the North Hall, where the bedrooms were, and literally ran into Roxas.

"Huh? Oh! Roxas!" Axel shook his head.

"Yeah… and if you keep doing that I won't be here for long," Roxas rubbed his head.

"I'll work on it," Axel said quickly. "But that's not important. Zexion found the food!"

"Zexion?" Roxas stopped rybbing his temples.

"I convinced him to turn himself into a Dusk and follow Xemnas around," Axel looked proud of himself.

"But… Zexion?!" Roxas couldn't believe his ears. Zexion wouldn't do something that stupid to save his life. As we heard earlier, Roxas knew Axel wasn't the most normal Nobody. But this was just unthinkably weird. Roxas decided it was this new diet. It was doing weird things to people. Most weren't even eating. Xigbar hadn't come out of his room for an entire day. Marluxia had neglected the garden. Luxord had lost ten poker games to Xaldin. And now Axel. Axel hadn't eaten since the diet started. Not only was he growing incredibly insane(r), but you think he was thin _before_?! You probably get the picture.

"Axel, tell me you're lying," Roxas said.

"Why would I lie about this?!" Axel exclaimed, just in time for Demyx to peep out of his bedroom.

"Lie about what?" he asked.

"Nothing! I didn't lie about anything," Axel said quickly. He was still pretty mad at Demyx, though he couldn't quite remember why. Apparently this lack of eating was doing more to Axel than we thought.

"He said he found the f-" Roxas began to let the cat out of the bag, but Axel covered his mouth with a gloved hand.

"What Roxas is trying to say is that he found the door out…" Axel said, "…for you."

"Door doesn't begin with 'f'," Demyx stated.

"Gooooood. You're not as dumb as you look," Axel said, still covering Roxas' mouth.

By this time Roxas had had enough and decided (and dared) to bite Axel's hand. Fortunately it did little damage through the glove, but it was enough to get Axel to let go.

"What the heck was that for?!" Axel shouted, clutching his hand.

"For attempt of murder," Roxas said.

"Hey! Did you find the food, Axel?" Demyx asked, looking incredibly hopeful.

"If he did would he be in this state?" Roxas joked, receiving a stare-down from Axel.

"So I'll take that as a no," Demyx's smile faded.

Axel crossed his arms and pouted like a child, and Roxas decided to take a different approach.

"After all," he said, "Axel could never figure out where Xemnas stored anything. Xemnas is just too clever."

Axel shot up. "Hey! I did _too _find where Xemnas is hiding out source of life!" he shot.

Roxas grinned. Reverse psychology. Worked every time.

"Really?!" Demyx's eyes lit up. "Where is it?!"

Axel suddenly realized he had revealed a crucial piece of information to _Demyx, _and he was now wide-eyed and cursing himself inside.

Nearly an hour later Axel was leading Roxas and, much to Axel's regret, Demyx to the cellar. They were creeping along slowly, stealthily, cautiously, and… loudly.

"Get off my foot!"

"I'm not on your foot!"

"Dude, back off!"

"Shut up or so help me I will tie you both to chairs and burn you like the toast I burnt yesterday!"

As you can see, it was anything but a quiet quest.

At last the trio reached the cellar. Axel flung open the doors (rather dramatically), and heaven was revealed to them. They immediately began snatching food off the shelves, avoiding every organic or sugar-free item in site, and stuffing it in bags.

"Do you think we can get out of here and to wherever you're gunna hide it without Xemnas seeing?" Demyx asked Axel.

"Yeah…" Roxas turned to Axel, "And where _are _you planning on keeping it?"

"Relax!" Axel said. "I'm makin' this up as I go along."

"_That's_ reassuring…" Roxas sighed.

"Shut up and do your job," Axel hissed.

Soon enough they had filled the sacks and were dragging them out of the cellar. It wasn't an easy task, since the sacks now weighed probably 200 pounds each. And somehow they managed to make it to Axel's room unseen. That's what confused them. There didn't seem to be anyone around.

"Was there supposed to be something going on today?" Roxas asked.

Axel thought for a minute. "Well," he finally said, "I know Marluxia's hamster died yesterday."

"Huh?!" Roxas couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Marluxia wanted to have a funeral for it," Axel smirked.

"Ooooh!" Demyx understood. "Everyone was probably dragged to his garden for a funeral!"

"Poor guys…" Axel said under his breath.

"They're probably gunna kill us when they realize we weren't there," Roxas said.

"Let's hurry up and hide this so we can sneak into the garden," Axel said, grabbing his bag of food.

"Where do you want it?" Demyx huffed. Like I said, the bags weren't exactly light.

"In here," Axel motioned toward his closet.

"Axel, you're an idiot. That's all I have to say," Roxas dropped the bag.

"Why do you say that?" Axel glared at his friend.

"Because I already told you Xemnas' Dusk henchmen search everywhere for stuff that shouldn't be there," Roxas explained.

"Not in there, they won't," Axel threw the sack of food inside the closet.

"What makes you so sure?" Demyx wondered.

"Never have, never will," Axel said, clapping his hands together once. "I don't keep anything in there, so they've never bothered searching it."

Roxas and Demyx looked around the room. It was so messy they couldn't see the floor. That certainly explained things.

Demyx and Roxas stashed away their food as well, and they were off to the 'funeral'.

"Shoudn't we wear black or something?" Demyx asked.

Axel and Roxas stared at the musician in disbelief. Finally Roxas grabbed a piece of his black cloak to make his point.

The trio entered the garden just as the funeral was closing.

"Honeysuckle… we'll miss you," Marluxia sniffed, and placed a flower on his hamster's grave.

There was silence for ten seconds; Axel, Roxas, and Demyx stood in the back.

Finally the silence was broken. "Anyone for poker?" Luxord ask loudly.

"You're on!" Xigbar shouted.

Marluxia stood in disbelief that everyone had such little respect for the dead.

"Don't take it so hard," axel smirked.

Marluxia glared at him. "Where were you?" he demanded.

"Where was I?" Axel pretended to look surprised.

"You and Roxas and Demyx weren't here until a minute ago," Marluxia said. "You can't fool me."

"Relax," Axel said. "While we were missing your little funeral we found the answer to our hunger problems."

"You found it?" Marluxia's eyes grew wide.

"Got that right," Axel said.

"So my work paid off after all," said a nearly monotone voice from behind.

Axel spun around to see Zexion.

"You bet it did," Axel said, who was joined by Roxas.

"We have enough food to hold us all over until we convince Xemnas his plan is retarded," Roxas beamed.

"What was that?" another voice said, which caused the four to freeze.

"Oh, uh… hey Xemnas!" Roxas smiled nervously. "We were just talking about what a shame Marluxia's loss is."

"Hmph…" Xemnas grumbled, but decided not to push it. He exited the garden and returned to his daily routine.

Axel and Roxas sighed with relief.

"Alright," Axel said, rubbing his hands together, "Roxas, you get everyone together and tell 'em we're in business."

Later that day Axel was expecting everyone to come one at a time to grab some food and go, as to not draw attention. But it was not to be so. Not with all those starving Nobodies around.

Axel waved his arms frantically. "This is _not _what I said to do!" he shouted over the noise of the crowd.

His shouts were ignored. By now most everyone was had pretty much lost it. Within minutes the food was gone, along with nine members of the Organization.

Axel, Roxas, and Demyx stood there just staring out the door blankly.

"I hate Xemnas," Demyx finally said.

Axel and Roxas nodded, still mystified.

"Well, aren't you gunna do something?!" Demyx shouted.

Axel shook his head back and forth to say "no", and Roxas suddently snapped out of his trance. He grabbed his friend's shoulders and shook him violently.

"We just worked at getting the giant sacks of edible food, risking our _lives_, and now you want to _quit_?!" he screamed.

Axel was quite shaken up (literally), but still stared blankly. Roxas had never seen his friend in this state before, and it scared him.

Without warning, Demyx let loose a jet of water right into Axel's face. Yes, Demyx dared to do the unthinkable. It would have been better to spray Larxene, or even Xemnas himself. But with Axel being a pyro and all, well, it just wasn't a good idea. Demyx wasn't sure if it would bring him back to his senses, get him really mad, or just melt him. Fortunately _and_ unfortunately, it did the first two.

Axel towered over Demyx, all in a rage and fists clenched together, with flames erupting from them. Demyx let out an "EEP" and cowered below the short-tempered Nobody.

Just when it looked like Demyx was going to be a pile of ashes with a pair of eyes _real_ soon, Xemnas entered the room. What he saw was a very wet Axel standing over Demyx with flaming fists, Demyx looking a lot like a scared puppy, and Roxas yanking on Axel's cloak in an attempt to stop the death sentence. Of course Xemnas had _no_ idea as to why any of this was happening.

"Would someone explain to me what's going on?!" Xemnas thundered.

Axel quickly let the flames die and switched to an "I'm-the-most-innocent-Nobody-in-the-world" look. Roxas let go of Axel's cloak, but Demyx looked exactly the same.

"Well?!" Xemnas demanded.

This triggered Demyx's childish side (which didn't require much change of attitude) and lunged down onto his knees before Xemnas, hands folded, enormous puppy-eyes brimming with tears.

"Oh, please, Xemnas!" he sobbed. "Can't you see we can't take it anymore? If you don't stop soon we'll die! Or at least go completely insane… Don't you see how everyone's acting?!"

Xemnas was completely puzzled now. In fact, he didn't see any change in Demyx. But he recalled the activity of the rest of Organization XIII. The only problem was that he couldn't put his finger on why the heck it was all happening.

"Get up,' Axel hissed at Demyx, yanking him up by the hood.

Demyx sniffed. "But it's out only chance, Axel!" he cried.

"Doesn't mean you have to put on your Shakespeare," Roxas mumbled.

"You still haven't told me what's going on here," Xemnas said.

"What's Demyx here is tryin' to say," Axel said, "Is that this little thing you call a 'healthy diet' is having the opposite affect on all twelve of us."

Xemnas was silent for quite some time. The other three grew impatient. Just when Axel was about to shout something that certainly would have gotten him in trouble at Xemnas, the Superior Nobody finally spoke.

"But how could eating healthy foods do such a thing to a Nobody?" Xemnas asked nobody particular.

"After a lifetime of nothing but junk food something like that does stuff to ya," Roxas shrugged.

Xemnas thought again, but this time not as long. The other three looked so hopeful that anyone could have sworn their eyes were shining.

"Very well," Xemnas sighed in defeat, "I will restore your usual meals as of tonight." And with that he turned and left the room.

"Well, Demyx," Axel smirked, "Who's the pro?"

Demyx said nothing. Instead he passed out and hit the floor… hard.


End file.
